Today I retired. I was sent off with a great intimate party of my close friends, a Samsonite roll-aboard overnight case, flowers, gift certificate and a CD of music chosen by my friends for relaxation and fun. One of my gang said "Remember, it is much easier to leave than to be left". I've heard this before and I've lived it too. But she was saying "stop being so happy, we are left behind here to miss you".
Now I know I'm not so memorable that I will be missed for very long. People get busy and have important issues to deal with and soon, the empy chair will be filled, new paintings will be hung on the wall and photos arranged on the bookshelf, and when I stop by or meet the lunch bunch for lunch, they will have more in common with each other than they will with me, yet we will all leave lunch surprised. You see, the connection fused by what happens from 9 to 5 will be broken. The intimacy fired by the demands of deadlines and office politics is also soldered by personal ups and downs. So we will meet at walks for ALS and cancer organizations, and have lunch on birthdays and try to hold onto what we don't want to lose, what we were before. Good friends will remain forever, this I believe!!
But this is now and I have plans. Join the gym, take a walk, lose some weight (well a lot of weight), read the seven unread books on my kindle, visit the MET and the Modern, catch up on doctor and dentist visits, clean out my closets, see a movie alone, have a glass of wine on a weeknight. Then there are the kids and spouses, grandkids (two going on three), time with my mom, catching up with friends. Of course there is all that knitting I have calling me.....
So I will make lists. Have you done that? Let's see, top of the page, date. Left column is time of day, and center of the page, events. So I start with 6:30 am -- take Toby for a walk, 7:00 am breakfast and the paper. 7:30 go out for a power walk myself (you see Toby is a little old, and can't walk far or fast any longer), 8:15 shower and get dressed. It isn't till around 2:00 pm that I can find a time slot to break out of the ordinary routine, and get on with reading, or a swim at the town pool. I believe in my lists. They will help me isolate more of the time slots called 'retirement activities'.
Gotta go set my alarm -- I need to get started early tomorrow.
"Forever is composed of nows."
-- Emily Dickinson
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